


Ciao Bambino!

by CriticalCXGShipped



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M, Nathaniel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 16:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16495937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CriticalCXGShipped/pseuds/CriticalCXGShipped
Summary: Nathaniel is reeling from his encounter with Rebecca.  He told her he loved her, she said she loved him, why can't they just be happy?  Nathaniel corners Bert in the breakroom.





	Ciao Bambino!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heartbash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbash/gifts).



“Ciao Bambino”. Nathaniel said flatly, his mouth open.  
“She said what?” asked Bert, turning his face towards Nathaniel in the break room. He was wearing a lurid yellow tie with a strange emblem on it, he kept holding his coffee cup up high to draw attention to it, but no one had commented yet.  
Nathaniel was slouched at one of the tables in the break room, his legs wide, his shirt protruding slightly from his pants and his jacket unbuttoned. He had an uneaten salad in front of him.  
“Cia Bambino, Bert, she told me to vamoose and said “ciao Bambino!” Nathaniel repeated, louder this time. He sat up straight again and brought his legs together. Here he was, slouching like Tim while he leafed through glossy magazine articles about Shania Twain with a satisfied smile on his face. He cleared his throat and stood up to tuck in his shirt, and wait, was that a small stain on his shirt, on the tail? It had been hanging out while he stuffed himself with a croissant that morning and washed it down with coffee, AND creamer. 

“Like I was a CHILD!” He said loudly, pointing towards Bert with 4 fingers. Bert held up his cup again, straightening his tie and looking down briefly before meeting Nathaniel’s eyes.  
“Woweee! She must really have a new obsession now, with those bagels I guess” said Bert, putting down his coffee to cup his chin, while resting his left hand so that his fingers framed the tie emblem.

“Pretzels… Hold it, a new what? Is that some kind of borderline thing? An obsession? Was that all I was?” Nathaniel’s face lost its righteous indignation, his eyes widened and his mouth turned down, like a sad puppy. He ran his hands through his hair. ‘I mean, I can see why? I mean, I’m a stud, but….” Nathaniel’s face changed again, haughtily pointing and shaking his head.

“Oh, no no no no no” Nathaniel screwed his mouth sideways and shook his head as though to remove a thought he didn’t like. “No, she LOVES me, she said so and she wants to be with me, just NOT in Hawaii or something”… he said hopelessly.

Bert leaned forward, his left elbow perched on his crossed right leg, his right hand holding his tie and running it between his fingers repeatedly. “Well, I’m sure I said that to ALL my ex-wives” Bert exclaimed, widening his eyes. “And I did love ALL of them, even Samantha, who said I was a raving lunatic for collecting every recyclable item in the house and saving it to drive to the depot myself as I didn’t trust the garbage men to sort it properly. Which is clearly very sensible” Bert rambled, stroking his tie with both hands and looking down at it fondly.

“So what, Borderlines can’t love?” spat Nathaniel. Looking pointedly at Bert, who was re tying his tie now that he had Nathaniel’s undivided attention.  
Bert stopped suddenly and left his tie half tied. “Of COURSE we can and I’m sure your relationship was genuine and beautiful and entirely motivated by mutual admiration and attraction” he said, soothingly, gently reaching his hand out towards Nathaniel’s shoulder.

“That’s right!” Nathaniel spun on his heel and moved towards the main floor of the firm before spinning back again suddenly and pointing at Bert again. “Wait, Rebecca and you were in that weird Bordo group together, weren’t you?” He narrowed his eyes distrustfully.

“Yes and I know everything about you and Mona and the hits you both organized against….certain people, but I don’t see that as a barrier to true love…anymore than my dysentery microbe collection in my fridge is a barrier to me finding the right special lady who can truly accept me just as I am”. Bert finished, his eyes shining with feeling, he splayed his fingers around his tie again in Nathaniel’s eyeline. 

Nathaniel’s mouth opened as he began to say something, then he stopped, licked his lips, thinking. He sighed, first a small, shallow sigh, and then a deeper, more resigned one. He threw up his hands “I just need to show her I’ve changed” he said practically.  
He pointed at Bert again, who was sitting expectantly with his hands on his knees like a schoolboy, having given up on the black emblem being noticed by anyone. He looked sheepishly towards his cup, picked it up and took a sip.

“I suppose you could start by apologizing to Josh for trying to kill his Lolo and all the other mean things you were going to do his family” he said, looking down into his cup, then lifted his eyes up again, cautiously.  
Nathaniel looked around sharply at Bert. “What?” he blew are out of his mouth “Why?” “I didn’t do anything!” he said stubbornly.  
“Well now, come on Nathaniel, I think you did, and you were so rude to him that day in the office, you deserved that punch!” Bert said boldly, crossing his right leg over higher this time so that his yellow socks with the same emblem showed at last.  
“No, I….” Nathaniel hesitated. “Well, I guess it kinda was…uh, I don’t know…Oh come on Bert! I know you’re dying to tell me! What’s with the Hufflepuff tie and matching socks?” Nathaniel sighed.  
Bert brightened and rose from his seat. “Well…” he began.

“AY! What are you doing boss?!” Paula entered the breakroom, her arms full of files. “You and Jim have a meeting with the West Covina Council in 20 minutes! Jim’s waiting for you. You better get down there” she said, thrusting them into his arms.

Nathaniel took the files obediently. “Right” he said, flustered. “Thank you, Paula” he said, clearing his throat and gesturing to the files before walking towards the lifts, patting his pockets for his keys.  
“Oh, Bert” he said, turning again. “Yes boss” asked Bert expectantly, pulling up a yellow Hufflepuff handkerchief above the line of his pocket with a hopeful glance. “ I want to talk more about this, you seem to have some, interesting views” Nathaniel said stiffly before turning to leave again.  
“Did he just thank me for my work?” Paula turned to Bert in surprise.  
“Damn, he didn't get to ask about my handkerchief” Bert said dejectedly, striding away from the break room.  
“Oh great, just leave all the mess to me!” muttered Paula, throwing Nathaniel’s salad bowl and Bert’s porcelain cup straight into the trash without a backward glance.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written before the episode 404 after the promo for the ep was aired. I wanted to expore how Nathaniel felt and fantasise about potential character growth and what catalyst would Nathaniel need for that.


End file.
